Welcome to last Friday's magic at Citizens Bank Park—where the save wasn’t just about the split-fingered heat, but the full-blown rock concert that accompanied it. The Tigers’ bullpen barely had time to blink before Jhoan Durán strode in, only to be met with a full-scale light-and-sound spectacular that felt like a WrestleMania opening act. The Twins not only traded the closer; they handed over his entire theatrical package, complete with music, animations, and lighting cues, as a goodwill gesture to make sure “Durántula” would feel at home from day one. The result? A four-pitch save, a viral moment, and proof that in baseball, sometimes the show matters as much as the save.
*** Now chatting in #SeizureSaveSituation ***
StacheMeOutside: so that’s it huh
no trades
not even a backup infielder with a cool nickname?
FireVest47: i thought WE were getting duran
i got excited
then we got… silence
and then the phillies got a whole LASER LIGHT PARADE
DingleAllTheWay: bro i was warming up
and duran’s entrance hit
the bass was so deep my ribcage signed a nondisclosure agreement
*** MLB_NewsBot has entered the chat ***
MLB_NewsBot: Jhoan Duran debuts as Phillies closer, brings his custom Twins light-and-sound entrance package with him
Features: strobe lights, fog cannons, flame bursts, and an animated eagle screaming “¡DURÁN!” in six languages
Phillies fans delighted, Tigers players currently on Dramamine
*** HEY GUYS THIS IS JI
*** JIM THOME has entered the chat ***
WORDUPTHOME: HEY GUYS THIS IS JI
JIM THOME
WORDUPTHOME: I THOUGHT WE WERE FACING A CLOSER
NOT HEADLINING COACHELLA
THAT ENTRANCE HAD MORE PYRO THAN THE TIME I ACCIDENTALLY MICROWAVED A METAL BAT
StacheMeOutside: i watched my career flash before my eyes
it was mostly strikeouts and sunflower seeds
DingleAllTheWay: he literally threw 103 after that
i couldn’t feel my bat
OR MY FUTURE
*** PawsForConcern has entered the chat ***
/Paws wears LED shades that say “WHY NOT US”
/Paws holds up a foam finger that reads “WE GOT SILENCE”
/Paws mimes being blinded and pitching in circles
*** RealGritJRoll has entered the chat ***
RealGritJRoll: back in my day
a closer walked out to a mild clap and a bad Motörhead song
and then punched the strike zone in the face
BASEBALL IS ABOUT DIRT AND GUTS
NOT LIGHT SHOWS AND FLAMING EAGLES
WORDUPTHOME: JIMMY
YOU KNOW I LOVE GRIT
BUT HAVE YOU EVER THROWN A SPLITTER TO A SOUNDTRACK OF APOCALYPTIC DRUMS
IT FELT LIKE BEING INSIDE A TRIUMPHANT HORSE
FireVest47: he had fog
FOG
the mound looked like a video game spawn point
RealGritJRoll: philly used to be about cheesesteaks and yelling
now it’s about techno rave dragons and choreographed relievers
*** MLB_NewsBot has entered the chat ***
MLB_NewsBot: Sources confirm: Duran’s entrance was part of trade package from Twins
Phillies also received strobe codebook, smoke maintenance team, and a guy named Chad who controls “The Drop”
*** TheDropMasterChad has entered the chat ***
TheDropMasterChad: yo i’m here if anyone wants custom save intros
i do closers, birthdays, gender reveals, full spectrum
FireVest47: can you make one that just plays sad piano
and says “DETROIT: TRYING ITS BEST”
*** TheDropMasterChad has left to mix “Crying in Comerica” ft. Miguel Cabrera ***
*** RealGritJRoll has left to slap a fog machine with a rolled-up lineup card ***
*** PawsForConcern has left to install mood lighting in the bullpen using old Christmas lights ***
*** FireVest47 has left to angrily blink in the dark ***
*** WORDUPTHOME has left to write a spoken-word tribute to closers with entrance music and emotional baggage ***