The Tigers bullpen has seen its fair share of meltdowns lately, but none more personal than what happens after the final out. For reliever Tommy Kahnle, every earned run comes with a price — and a razor. The veteran righty has long adhered to a bizarre self-discipline ritual: each time he allows a run, he shaves off all of his body hair. Not just blown saves or tough-luck outings — any run. Now, amid the Tigers’ ongoing late-inning implosions, Kahnle’s once-quirky superstition is starting to raise eyebrows… or at least remove them.

*** Now chatting in #ClubhouseRitualsGoneTooFar ***

KrazyKahnle: alright

that’s it

runner scored

time to Bic the chest again

FireVest47: tommy that was an inherited runner

YOU walked him

I just failed to strand your follicle mistake

KrazyKahnle: shared bullpen = shared consequences

the curse demands blood

or at least eyebrows

FireVest47: wait are you saying

YOU’RE gonna shave ME?

KrazyKahnle: do you want the hot towel or are we going dry

*** HEY GUYS THIS IS JI

*** JIM THOME has entered the chat ***

WORDUPTHOME: HEY GUYS THIS IS JI

JIM THOME

WORDUPTHOME: I JUST READ THE THREAD

AND I AM SO DEEPLY UNCOMFORTABLE

BASEBALL IS A GAME OF TRADITION

NOT A SMOOTH-WAXED MALE REVENGE PAGEANT

FireVest47: i thought the screaming in the shower was just bullpen bonding

NOT SELF-EXFOLIATION THROUGH ANGER

*** pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth has entered the chat ***

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: oh my

this RULES

i used 2 do that but with teammates beard trimmers

accidentally shaved three mouths off

KrazyKahnle: this is how I hold myself accountable

1 run = 1 zone

HR? That’s both legs and a kneecap

FireVest47: I gave up the run but it was YOUR guy

this is bullpen law now?

KrazyKahnle: I have the towel. You have the follicles. Let’s dance.

*** MLB_NewsBot has entered the chat ***

MLB_NewsBot: Tigers reliever Tommy Kahnle reportedly has an unusual superstition

“Every time a runner scores on me, I shave,” he tells reporters

Unclear how far the policy extends to inherited runners and moral responsibility

WORDUPTHOME: THIS ISN’T WHAT SATCHEL PAIGE HAD IN MIND

WHEN HE SAID “DON’T LOOK BACK, SOMETHING MIGHT BE GAINING ON YOU”

HE DIDN’T MEAN A GUY WITH A RAZOR IN THE CLUBHOUSE

FireVest47: i’m wearing a full hoodie

in august

because i’m afraid

KrazyKahnle: bullpen ERA isn’t the only number that needs to stay low

body hair: 0.00

*** PawsForConcern has entered the chat ***

/Paws mimes shaving own arm, then recoils in horror

/Paws throws away the foam razor and retreats behind the Gatorade cooler

*** FireVest47 has left to lock the bullpen bathroom door and hide the clippers ***

*** KrazyKahnle has left with a steamy towel and grim determination ***

*** WORDUPTHOME has left to write “A Respectful Plea for Modest Bullpen Rituals” ***

*** pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth has left to sell commemorative bullpen razors on Etsy ***