The Cleveland Guardians were supposed to be cooked. First came the betting suspensions for closer Emmanuel Clase and reliever Luis Ortiz. Then they shipped injured pitchers Shane Bieber to Toronto and Paul Sewald to Detroit, moves that looked more like a white flag than a playoff push. But since then? Cleveland’s caught fire, winning 9 of their last 10 and slicing the AL Central gap from 14 games to just 6 behind the Tigers. Fans aren’t sure what’s fueling the surge — clubhouse chemistry, an easier schedule, divine intervention — but Jim Thome swears he knows exactly what turned the season around.
*** Now chatting in #Believeland ***
NotThatBieber: hey guys just got to toronto
feeling like a “boyfriend” in a new city, ya know? 😉
can’t wait to drop my first “single” in the AL East
*** HEY GUYS THIS IS JI
*** JIM THOME has entered the chat ***
WORDUPTHOME: HEY GUYS THIS IS JI
JIM THOME
WORDUPTHOME: WE DID IT
WE SENT JUSTIN BIEBER BACK TO CANADA
NO MORE POP MUSIC INTERFERING WITH OUR ROTATION
NotThatBieber: …jim
it’s shane
the baseball pitcher
Not the singer
WORDUPTHOME: OH
WELL I STILL FEEL LIKE I SHOULD SAY “SORREY”
BUT I’M NOT SORREY
BECAUSE WE’VE WON 9 OF OUR LAST 10
*** VogtForPedro has entered the chat ***
VogtForPedro: love the energy guys, but let’s keep it in perspective
yeah we lost Clase and Ortiz to investigations
yeah we traded Bieber and Sewald while they were injured
but winning streaks don’t last forever
WORDUPTHOME: I RESPECT THAT
BUT I ALSO RESPECT THAT THE LAST TIME WE WON THIS MUCH
I HAD MORE HAIR AND LESS BACK PAIN
VogtForPedro: jim
it’s august
NotThatBieber: i’m telling you, jim
if you believe, we can “never say never”
this winning streak is “one less lonely win” away from perfection
WORDUPTHOME: SEE, EVEN JUSTIN BELIEVES IN US
VogtForPedro: …shane
stop making it worse
*** MLB_NewsBot has entered the chat ***
MLB_NewsBot: Guardians have won 9 of 10 since suspensions and trades
Stephen Vogt says team is “thriving on adversity”
Jim Thome says team is “thriving on Justin Bieber’s exile”
WORDUPTHOME: I ALREADY BOUGHT CONFETTI
AND A 90s BOOMBOX FOR THE PARADE PLAYLIST
TRACK ONE: “BABY”
NotThatBieber: i’ll sing it from the dugout if they let me
VogtForPedro: ok focus, guys
Marlins series up next
play like we have nothing to lose
but also maybe don’t get suspended or injured
WORDUPTHOME: STEPHEN THIS IS THE MOST EXCITED I’VE BEEN SINCE WE GOT FREE SUNFLOWER SEEDS IN ’02
*** pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth has entered the chat ***
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: yeah man, send him back to moose country
where he belongs, sippin maple syrup at tim hortons
singin “oh canada” 2 a bunch of baby caribou
VogtForPedro: pretty sure Shane Bieber doesn’t own a moose, dude
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: then what do canadians do for fun??
knit flannel? race zambonis?
WORDUPTHOME: WAIT DO THEY REALLY HAVE ZAMBONI RACES
I WOULD WATCH THAT
VogtForPedro: again… pitcher… not singer…
also not every Canadian lives in an ice rink
WORDUPTHOME: DOES HE THROW FROM AN IGLOO
GUYS WHO ELSE CAN WE DEPORT TO CANADA
*** SlideIntoDMs has entered the chat ***
/Slider looks around nervously
/pretends to check his watch
/immediately walks back out the door
*** SlideIntoDMs has left the chat ***
VogtForPedro: …I’m just going to focus on winning the next game.
*** VogtForPedro has left to check if anyone in the clubhouse owns a reality check ***
*** NotThatBieber has left to write parody lyrics about the Blue Jays ***
*** WORDUPTHOME has left to google “Zamboni drag racing” ***
*** pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth has left to Photoshop Shane Bieber wearing a Mountie hat ***