The Dodgers’ latest playoff clinch was expected — another year, another ticket punched to October. The spotlight quickly shifted from the scoreboard to the champagne-soaked clubhouse, where Clayton Kershaw stole the show. Shirtless, goggles-free, and mid-celebration, the future Hall of Famer barked into a live interview: “I don’t want goggles, I don’t want a shirt, I hardly want pants, Dave!” The outburst instantly became the defining image of the night — half triumphant, half chaotic, all baseball.

*** Now chatting in #ClinchedChaos ***

DodgerFan999: WE CLINCHED

champagne showers in full effect

clubhouse looks like SeaWorld right now

*** KershawUnchained has entered the chat ***

KershawUnchained: I DON’T WANT GOGGLES

I DON’T WANT A SHIRT

I HARDLY WANT PANTS, DAVE

/chugs champagne out of shoe

*** RoboDave has entered the chat ***

RoboDave: clayton please

we’re on national television

the Dodgers have a brand

pants are part of that brand

KershawUnchained: THE ONLY BRAND I KNOW IS VICTORY

AND MAYBE LEVI’S BUT THEY’RE IN THE WAY RIGHT NOW

*** HEY GUYS THIS IS JI

*** JIM THOME has entered the chat ***

WORDUPTHOME: HEY GUYS THIS IS JI

JIM THOME

WORDUPTHOME: CLAYTON I’M PROUD OF YOU

WHEN I CLINCHED WE WORE GOGGLES AND SHIRTS

BUT WE ALSO WORE FEAR

YOU HAVE CAST OFF FEAR

AND ALSO CLOTHES

*** rob_manfred.exe has entered the chat ***

rob_manfred.exe: hello playoff team 🙂

congratulations on clinching

however… small concerns 🙂

1. nudity on national television

2. lack of officially licensed dodgers postseason t-shirt™ sales

3. MLB cannot profit from pantslessness

KershawUnchained: PROFIT FROM JOY, MANFRED

LET THE PEOPLE SEE WHAT FREEDOM LOOKS LIKE

*** pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth has entered the chat ***

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: bro calm down

when i clinched i threw a chair through the shower wall

you should try that

feels amazing

RoboDave: oh no

do NOT encourage chair violence in the clubhouse

KershawUnchained: TOO LATE

I’M GONNA THROW MY PANTS LIKE A CHAIR

*** MLB_NewsBot has entered the chat ***

MLB_NewsBot: BREAKING: Dodgers clinch playoff spot.

Clayton Kershaw delivers shirtless, pants-optional celebration rant on live TV.

Rob Manfred expresses “concerns about decorum and apparel sales.”

*** KershawUnchained has left to cannonball into champagne tub ***

*** RoboDave has left to file an HR report ***

*** WORDUPTHOME has left to write “SHIRTS ARE A MENTAL PRISON” in his diary ***

*** rob_manfred.exe has left to trademark “Official Pants™” ***

*** pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth has left to order folding chairs for October ***