The FS1 studio crew did their best to keep things lively during a long ALDS rain delay in Detroit, but by the end, they were clearly running out of gas. Derek Jeter grumbled about missing his daughter’s parent-teacher conference, David Ortiz tried and failed to interpret a color-coded radar map, and Kevin Burkhardt admitted he was mostly thinking about food. As the tarp pooled and the hours passed, the broadcast dissolved into delirious small talk, bad weather jokes, and snack envy—culminating in the inevitable announcement that Tigers–Mariners would be bumped to FS2, because, really, Yankees–Blue Jays was the story the network actually wanted to tell.

*** Now chatting in #FS1RainDelay ***

BurkhardtLive: welcome back to our fs1 coverage of the alds

we are currently in a rain delay in detroit

and i’m told the tarp is now… “soggy beyond salvation”

derek, how you holding up?

JetersNeverProsper: i was supposed to be at a parent-teacher conference tonight

my daughter’s class is doing macaroni art

instead i’m here watching raindrops fall at 4k resolution

OrtizItThisOne: bro this weather map look like a giant pizza

red parts spicy

green parts pepper

detroit in the middle?

that’s where the cheese gonna melt

BurkhardtLive: thank you for that insightful meteorological analysis, papi

meanwhile i haven’t eaten since 3pm

do they let us order nachos in this studio or is that “on location” only

JetersNeverProsper: you can eat when the inning starts

that’s how the game works

we might starve

OrtizItThisOne: hey maybe they move the game to a dome

play in milwaukee or arizona

boom problem solved

BurkhardtLive: i’m being told by the truck that’s “not how postseason scheduling works”

but thanks papi

*** FS1ControlRoom has entered the chat ***

FS1ControlRoom: guys we need to fill another 20 minutes

please talk about anything but the rain

maybe debate greatest postseason hitters again

JetersNeverProsper: we’ve done that three times already

and papi names himself every time

OrtizItThisOne: yeah because i right every time

BurkhardtLive: we could show highlights from the yankees-blue jays series

since they’re actually playing

and, uh, “nationally relevant”

FS1ControlRoom: attention broadcasters: due to extended rain delay

tigers-mariners will resume on FS2

fs1 will now switch to yankees-blue jays coverage

SkipHinch: you gotta be kidding me

they’re bumping us for new york?

JetersNeverProsper: as they should

finally something watchable

OrtizItThisOne: fs2 sound like the minor leagues of television

i ain’t doing postgame on channel nobody got

*** rob_manfred.exe has entered the chat ***

rob_manfred.exe: hello broadcasters 🙂

this decision optimizes viewer engagement across key markets 🙂

analytics show the yankees produce 312% more “casual eyeball retention” than tigers-mariners 🙂

also fs2 needed content anyway 🙂

BurkhardtLive: rob this is literally a playoff game

rob_manfred.exe: yes but one without the yankees 🙂

detroit-mariners is what we call “competitive regional niche entertainment”

fs2 is perfect for that demographic 🙂

OrtizItThisOne: what demographic that

people lost in the remote menu

JetersNeverProsper: honestly i’d rather be there right now

BurkhardtLive: coming up next on fs2:

“baseball in the rain: a soggy tragedy”

*** MLB_NewsBot has entered the chat ***

MLB_NewsBot: UPDATE: ALDS Game 1 (Tigers vs. Mariners) delayed by rain, moved to FS2.

FS1 to air Yankees–Blue Jays instead.

Commissioner Manfred calls the move “a victory for eyeball optimization.”

*** JetersNeverProsper has left to FaceTime the art teacher ***

*** OrtizItThisOne has left to microwave leftover pizza ***

*** BurkhardtLive has left to find FS2 on his hotel TV guide ***

*** rob_manfred.exe has left to balance the national eyeball economy 🙂 ***