At 41 years old, Max Scherzer looked less like a pitcher and more like a storm barely contained by a uniform. His glare alone seemed to bend air currents, and every Mariners hitter who stepped in looked one blink away from flinching. The Blue Jays needed a spark to even the series, and Scherzer gave them a lightning strike—5.2 innings of snarling, self-dialogued dominance that left the Seattle dugout unsure whether to cheer, pray, or call for help. It wasn’t just pitching; it was performance art in madness, and it worked to perfection.
*** Now chatting in #ALCSGame4 ***
MadMax31: okay max you got this
you’re forty-one, not dead
stare them down, scare them down
if they blink, they’re already out
*** JulioShow44 has entered the chat ***
JulioShow44: why is he muttering into his glove
is he... negotiating with the baseball?
*** ArozeFromTheAshes has entered the chat ***
ArozeFromTheAshes: i don’t like this
he looked at me like i owed him rent
*** the_ball has entered the chat ***
the_ball: i’m scared too
MadMax31: don’t talk back to me, ball
you go where i tell you
outside corner, 97, don’t you dare run
the_ball: i would like to go home now
MadMax31: not until we’ve buried their morale in the dirt
*** VladTheImpalerJr has entered the chat ***
VladTheImpalerJr: bro he’s throwing like he’s possessed
i love it
every pitch feels like a sermon about mortality
*** pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth has entered the chat ***
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: finally
a pitcher with proper rage
i once yelled at a baseball until it cracked
he’s a genius
*** JustZack21 has entered the chat ***
JustZack21: hey max
you’re scaring them
MadMax31: good
JustZack21: i once scared a batter by asking if he liked astronomy mid-count
said it threw off his timing
maybe try that next time instead of growling at clouds
MadMax31: zack i don’t do small talk
i do destruction
JustZack21: i do trivia
did you know the moon’s receding from earth at 3.8 centimeters per year?
that’s roughly how fast your ERA is dropping tonight
*** WORDUPTHOME has entered the chat ***
WORDUPTHOME: HEY GUYS THIS IS JI
JIM THOME
WHAT A SIGHT
MAX’S FIRE, ZACK’S CHILL
IT’S LIKE WATCHING THUNDER DATE LIGHTNING
OLD JIMJAM APPROVES
JustZack21: thunder doesn’t date lightning
they’re the same thing
that’s kind of the point
WORDUPTHOME: WELL IT’S STILL ROMANTIC, SPORT
JulioShow44: i stepped in and he was growling
like actually growling
my bat started shaking and i didn’t tell it to
MadMax31: that’s right
bats fear me
fear is spin rate for the soul
*** MLB_NewsBot has entered the chat ***
MLB_NewsBot: FINAL: Blue Jays 8, Mariners 2.
41-year-old Max Scherzer throws 5.2 innings, striking out 5 and terrifying 22.
Mariners report mild trauma and respect.
*** MadMax31 has left to argue with his reflection ***
*** JustZack21 has left to Google “what sound does fear make” ***
*** VladTheImpalerJr has left to demand a Game 5 start for Max ***
*** pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth has left to punch a wall in admiration ***
*** WORDUPTHOME has left to trademark “THUNDER-LIGHTNING DATE” as a country song ***