On a night that felt less like a ballgame and more like a living proof-of-concept for baseball inequality, the Dodgers finished their sweep of the Brewers behind a performance so lopsided it barely seemed legal. Shohei Ohtani didn’t just dominate — he essentially was the Dodgers: six shutout innings on the mound, ten strikeouts, and three solo home runs he supplied for his own cause. Milwaukee wasn’t beaten by a lineup or a rotation — they were beaten by a single payroll-sized demigod. And as the crowd roared for inevitability in Dodger blue, the rest of the league was left wondering not just how to stop Los Angeles… but whether anyone outside their tax bracket ever really stood a chance.

*** Now chatting in #NLCSGame4 ***

ShoheiCanYouSee: welcome to los angeles

i pitch now

and when i’m done striking you out

i will hit baseballs to other continents

*** Top 1st ***

ShoheiCanYouSee: fastball. slider. gone.

next batter enter the sadness chamber

MisiImpossible: bro he didn’t even blink

*** Bottom 1st ***

ShoheiCanYouSee: oh hello again

now i bat

/launches first homer

multitasking completed

DodgerFan999: SHOHEI HITS FOR HIS OWN CAUSE LIKE A MYTHOLOGICAL CREATURE

*** rob_manfred.exe has entered the chat ***

rob_manfred.exe: see this is why superstars in large markets are healthy for baseball 🙂

consolidation of excellence fuels broadcast magnetization 🙂

*** pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth has entered the chat ***

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: BRO HE’S DOING A SOLO SPEEDRUN

THE REST OF THE DODGERS ARE BASICALLY AIR GUITARS

rob_manfred.exe: we love this 🙂

international reach + domestic dominance = business poetry 🙂

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: poetry? this is a crime scene

*** Top 3rd ***

ShoheiCanYouSee: strikeout #5

thank you for your participation

*** Bottom 4th ***

ShoheiCanYouSee: second at-bat

second homer

i am the lineup and the rotation

*** WORDUPTHOME has entered the chat ***

WORDUPTHOME: HEY GUYS THIS IS JI

JIM THOME

SHOHEI IS PLAYING BOTH ROLES LIKE HE’S AUDITIONING FOR A BROADWAY MUSICAL

“PHANTOM OF THE BACK-TO-BACK”

OLD JIMBO STANDS AND APPLAUDS

*** ChristianNotCatholic has entered the chat ***

ChristianNotCatholic: i’m sorry EXACTLY how are we supposed to compete with this

his WAR is larger than our entire payroll

rob_manfred.exe: listen, with enough money, ANY team can do what the Dodgers are doing 🙂

except the Mets, of course

*** Top 6th ***

ShoheiCanYouSee: strikeout #10

last call for dignity

MisiImpossible: CAN SOMEONE ELSE FACE HIM

LIKE MAYBE A KINDERGARTEN TEE BATTER

ANYONE WHO ISN’T BREATHING FIRE AT US

*** Bottom 7th ***

ShoheiCanYouSee: third homer

i appear to be doing a hat trick tonight

ChristianNotCatholic: THIS IS NOT A ROSTER THIS IS A HOSTILE TAKEOVER

WE ARE A MIDWESTERN CHEESE COOPERATIVE

THEY ARE AMAZON WITH A FASTBALL

DodgerFan999: jealousy confirmed

ChristianNotCatholic: bro your designated “left fielder 3” makes more than our shortstop AND OUR RADIO NETWORK

rob_manfred.exe: gentle reminder: winning is good for business 🙂

SOMEONE has to be the empire 🙂

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: you are one syntax error away from announcing feudalism

*** MLB_NewsBot has entered the chat ***

MLB_NewsBot: FINAL: Dodgers 5, Brewers 1

Ohtani goes 6 IP, 2 H, 10 K AND hits 3 HR

Dodgers sweep, advance to the World Series

Brewers request emotional mulligan

*** ShoheiCanYouSee has left to sip tea like he didn’t just ruin a franchise ***

*** pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth has left to attempt a 95 mph headbutt ***

*** WORDUPTHOME has left to knit “SUPERNOVA WITH A SLIDER” on a blanket ***

*** MisiImpossible has left to lie face down in the bullpen grass ***

*** rob_manfred.exe has left to rename the league “Ohtani & Friends LLC” ***