Toronto had one hand on the champagne cork and the other on history. Up 3–2 in the series and headed home, the Blue Jays looked ready to bring a parade back to Canada for the first time since 1993. Everything was set — the crowd roaring, the roster humming, national pride swelling. But baseball is a cruel archivist. A ball lodged in the outfield wall. Missed chances at the plate. Miguel Rojas — mired in misery — tying Game 7 with a gut-punch homer. Andy Pages wiping out his own teammate just to make a catch. Yoshinobu Yamamoto returning like a summoned boss on zero rest. And finally, Will Smith’s extra-inning dagger. The champagne stayed sealed. The towels fell silent. And the echo of another Dodgers dogpile rolled across Rogers Centre like a winter wind whispering: “No… Canada.”

*** Now chatting in #WorldSeriesGame6And7 ***

TrueNorthHurt: WE WERE UP 3-2

TWO GAMES AT HOME

THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE OUR MOMENT

I BOUGHT PARADE MITTENS

DodgerFan999: sorry bud

america’s hat stays trophy-free

*** Game 6 flashback ***

TrueNorthHurt: remember the Groundhog Double

the ball got stuck in the WALL

TORONTO LITERALLY INVENTED A NEW WAY TO SUFFER

RogersCentreDomeBrain: i warned you about weird geometry

but did you listen

i contain multitudes… and one baseball

VladTheImpalerJr: bro i hit rockets all series

and the wall swallowed one like it was brunch

*** pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth has entered the chat ***

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: walls should not eat baseballs

if wall eats ball wall gets suplexed

it’s simple physics

TrueNorthHurt: physics hates us more than the umps

*** Game 7 time ***

TrueNorthHurt: WE WERE UP 3-0

BENCHES CLEARED

CROWD WAS LOUD ENOUGH TO BREAK A TIMMIES SIGN

DodgerFan999: hello yes i would like to order one comeback with a side of heartbreak

TheOtherHoffman: i had ONE JOB

protect a one-run lead

and miguel rojas, career vibes hitter, went super saiyan on me

RojasToRiches: sometimes postseason slump end by force

my bat woke up and chose violence

TrueNorthHurt: you were 0-for-earth until that swing

*** Bottom 9th, tie game ***

TurnThePages: ball in air

i got it i got it—

MOVE OR BECOME PART OF MY COLLISION RECORD

ItsPronouncedKeyKay: you tackled me

i saw my life flash by

it was mostly missed chances

TurnThePages: winning mentality

and also zero peripheral vision

*** Extra innings ***

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: they brought in Yamamoto on NO REST

NINETY-SIX pitches last night

this man’s shoulder warranty expired in the sixth inning of Game 6

YoshiSamurai18: i do not require recovery

i am fueled by honor and spite

*** Top 11th ***

WillNotSlapYou: ping 🙂

nothing fancy

just a championship dinger

TrueNorthHurt: why does baseball hate us

what did we do

was it the playoff towels

i told you they were cursed

DodgerFan999: dynasty mode activated

*** HEY GUYS THIS IS JI

*** JIM THOME has entered the chat ***

WORDUPTHOME: HEY GUYS THIS IS JI

JIM THOME

HARD TO WATCH, CANADA

BASEBALL CAN BE CRUEL

IT LIFTS YOU UP THEN TRIPS YOU LIKE JIMJAM AFTER A THANKSGIVING FEAST

BUT REMEMBER — SNOW MELTS, HOPE RETURNS, AND SO DOES NEXT APRIL

TrueNorthHurt: jim

please let us grieve in peace

*** rob_manfred.exe has entered the chat ***

rob_manfred.exe: congratulations to our champions 🙂

los angeles, our most historically beautiful market, repeats 🙂

apologies canada

secondary broadcast zones will rise again much maybe

TrueNorthHurt: we’re a PRIMARY COUNTRY, YOU SPREADSHEET DEMON

WORDUPTHOME: KEEP YOUR HEAD UP CANADA

A HEART BREAKS BUT A SPIRIT GROWS

OLD JIMBO BELIEVES YOUR DAY WILL COME

AND UNTIL THEN, TRY CURLING

*** MLB_NewsBot has entered the chat ***

MLB_NewsBot: FINAL: Dodgers 5, Blue Jays 4 (11 innings).

Dodgers win second straight title.

Canada enters nationwide mourning. Hockey season underway.

*** ShoheiCanYouSee left swirling bat like katana ***

*** YoshiSamurai18 left dragging IV stand like trophy ***

*** WillNotSlapYou left for parade fitting appointment ***

*** pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth has left to fight a moose out of spite ***

*** WORDUPTHOME left humming O CANADA BUT WITH HOPE ***

*** TrueNorthHurt left to cry into poutine ***