Opening Day for Pittsburgh was supposed to showcase promise — instead, it unraveled in spectacular fashion under the bright skies of Citi Field. Center fielder Oneil Cruz turned a routine afternoon into a defensive nightmare, first misjudging a fly ball that cleared the bases, then losing another in the sun — without sunglasses — to tack on even more damage. What should have been a relatively clean outing for ace Paul Skenes quickly spiraled, forcing manager Don Kelly to make the unthinkable call after just two outs and five runs. For a team hoping to start fresh, it was a harsh reminder that sometimes, the smallest missteps can snowball into something much bigger.
*** Now chatting in #ItsAlwaysSunnyInCenterField ***
DonnieKellyBaby: alright fellas, nice and easy today
fundamentals, focus, and good, wholesome baseball
let’s have a heck of a ballgame
*** ShirtsNSkenes has entered the chat ***
ShirtsNSkenes: first inning, feeling good
fastball’s popping
life is simple
*** BrettBatBoy has entered the chat ***
BrettBatBoy: bases loaded now
let’s test that center field situation
*** CruzMissile has entered the chat ***
CruzMissile: i got it
i got it
…do i got it
*** ball is hit high to center ***
CruzMissile: okay drifting in
little to the left
no wait right
wait why is it still going
*** ball bounces gently to the warning track ***
CruzMissile: …
that wasn't supposed to happen
BrettBatBoy: that was the most generous triple i’ve ever received
ShirtsNSkenes: hey no worries
we’ll get the next one
*** MarcusSemiGenius has entered the chat ***
MarcusSemiGenius: fly ball to center
routine
like, extremely routine
CruzMissile: alright redemption time
i’m camped under it
this is mine
*** pause ***
CruzMissile: where amy i
why is the sky brighter than my future
oh no
*** ball drops two feet away ***
MarcusSemiGenius: i’m just gonna keep running
ShirtsNSkenes: …
DonnieKellyBaby: gosh darn it
that is just… that is just not ideal, gentlemen
that is suboptimal baseball execution
ShirtsNSkenes: skip i can still—
DonnieKellyBaby: nope
that’ll do, paul
two outs, five runs, and i am going to go say a prayer in the dugout
ShirtsNSkenes: i recorded TWO OUTS
DonnieKellyBaby: and they were BEAUTIFUL outs, son
absolutely terrific outs
we’re just… going to stop there
*** CruzMissile sitting quietly ***
CruzMissile: i forgot my sunglasses
*** entire chat pauses ***
BrettBatBoy: …you WHAT
MarcusSemiGenius: the sun has been around for a while, man
*** pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth has entered the chat ***
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: YOU FORGOT YOUR SUNGLASSES
YOU PLAY OUTFIELD FOR A LIVING
I AM GOING TO FIGHT THE SUN
DonnieKellyBaby: now kyle let’s not escalate
the sun is a respected member of the baseball ecosystem
*** WORDUPTHOME has entered the chat ***
WORDUPTHOME: HEY GUYS THIS IS JI
JIM THOME
SOMETIMES THE BALL FINDS YOU
SOMETIMES THE SUN FINDS YOU
AND SOMETIMES YOU FORGET YOUR EYEWEAR AND BOTH FIND YOU AT ONCE
OLD JIMBO CALLS THAT A BRIGHT LEARNING EXPERIENCE
CruzMissile: i would like it to be less bright
*** MLB_NewsBot has entered the chat ***
MLB_NewsBot: FINAL: Mets win after a 5-run inning aided by two Oneil Cruz errors in CF.
Cruz cites “sun” and “lack of sunglasses” as contributing factors.
*** CruzMissile has left to purchase twelve pairs of sunglasses ***
*** ShirtsNSkenes has left to file for emotional ERA adjustment ***
*** DonnieKellyBaby has left to say “goodness gracious” in private ***
*** pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth has left to throw a fastball at the sun ***
*** WORDUPTHOME has left to endorse polarized lenses ***