With the game paused and the tarp stretched tight, the Tigers broadcast on Saturday slipped into one of its strangest and most beloved traditions: #RainDelayQuestions. Viewers flooded in with everything from mildly curious to completely unhinged, and somehow Jason Benetti and Andy Dirks always had an answer—usually one that’s even more absurd than the question. What begins as a way to kill time quickly turned into a surreal back-and-forth of wordplay, deep-cut references, and increasingly ridiculous hypotheticals, with Benetti’s too-clever tangents and Dirks’ dry delivery turning a weather delay into must-watch television.
*** Now chatting in #RainDelayQuestions ***
BenettiAndTheJets: welcome back everyone
tarp is on the field, rain is falling, and logic has left the building
which means…
DirksDiggler: oh no
not this again
i just got my dignity back from last time
BenettiAndTheJets: it’s time for #RainDelayQuestions
where the questions are questionable and the answers are regrettable
DirksDiggler: mostly yours are regrettable
BenettiAndTheJets: if you had to fight one mascot-sized duck or 100 duck-sized mascots, which do you choose?
DirksDiggler: i take the one big duck
fewer moving parts
BenettiAndTheJets: incorrect
the correct answer is befriend the duck
become its manager
lead it to a division title
*** WillVengeance47 hase entered the chat ***
WillVengeance47: what’s the most baseball way to eat cereal?
DirksDiggler: sunflower seeds in the milk
BenettiAndTheJets: no no no
you spill some of the milk intentionally
then call it “small sample size”
*** Colt45Keith has entered the chat ***
Colt45Keith: what animal would be the best shortstop?
DirksDiggler: cat
quick hands
BenettiAndTheJets: octopus
range. versatility. existential dread
DirksDiggler: i regret agreeing to this segment
*** GreeneMachine has entered the chat ***
GreeneMachine: what would happen if the tarp got stuck and the game had to be played on it?
BenettiAndTheJets: well first of all, tremendous sliding opportunities
DirksDiggler: second of all, i’m pulling a hamstring immediately
BenettiAndTheJets: third of all, the ball becomes “optional”
*** SkipHinch has entered the chat ***
SkipHinch: what’s the weirdest baseball superstition you’ve seen?
BenettiAndTheJets: i once refused to sit in the same chair twice during a broadcast
i called it rotational karma
DirksDiggler: that’s just being annoying
WillVengeance47: if you could replace one baseball rule with a completely different sport’s rule, what would it be?
DirksDiggler: offsides in baseball
just absolute chaos
BenettiAndTheJets: yellow cards for excessive mound visits
one more and you’re out, pitching coach
Colt45Keith: how long could you survive in the outfield during a thunderstorm if you had to keep playing?
DirksDiggler: about six seconds
BenettiAndTheJets: i would simply narrate my own demise
“and that one is struck high and deep into the cumulonimbus…”
DirksDiggler: i’m begging the rain to stop
GreeneMachine: if you could fight one mascot, who would it be?
DirksDiggler: the phillie phanatic
i don’t trust anything that shaped
BenettiAndTheJets: i would fight the green monster
not the wall
the concept of it
DirksDiggler: that’s not a mascot
BenettiAndTheJets: everything is a mascot if you believe hard enough
*** MLB_NewsBot has entered the chat ***
MLB_NewsBot: UPDATE: Rain delay continues in Detroit.
Broadcast has devolved into philosophical poultry debates and tarp hypotheticals.
BenettiAndTheJets: that’s our cue
DirksDiggler: please let there be baseball soon
BenettiAndTheJets: until then, keep the questions coming
we will continue answering them incorrectly
*** SkubalRising has entered the chat ***
SkubalRising: i just wanted to know when we’re playing again
BenettiAndTheJets: excellent question, tarik
the tarp has a 3.7 WAR tonight
currently leading all participants
and it hasn’t struck out once
DirksDiggler: we are going to commercial
*** BennyAndTheJets has left to philosophically challenge precipitation ***
*** DirksDiggler has left to find actual baseball ***