Tuesday night at Wrigley Field had everything you’d expect from a Cubs win—and one thing absolutely no one did. In the middle of the Phillies-Cubs matchup, a massive, unapologetically confident rat hijacked the game, sprinting across the field with the kind of swagger usually reserved for All-Stars. He perched atop a bag of baseballs like he owned the place, ran directly through a stunned Phillies dugout, and somehow avoided capture despite being in full view the entire time. By the time he disappeared under a tarp—leaving shaken players and a buzzing crowd behind—the Cubs had seized the momentum and a 7–4 victory, while the rat walked away as the undisputed star of the night.
*** Now chatting in #WrigleyWildlife ***
CubsBleacherBum: HOLD ON
there’s a RAT on the field
not like a metaphor
an ACTUAL rat
SchwarAndPeace: how big we talking
like cute rat or “pays rent” rat
CubsBleacherBum: this dude got a mortgage
he just jogged across the warning track like he owns the place
*** WrigleyRat has entered the chat ***
WrigleyRat: yeah that’s right
eyes on me
i’m the captain now
BryceBryceBaby: WHY IS IT WALKING LIKE THAT
it’s got a swagger
i don’t like this
WrigleyRat: don’t like what
confidence?
*** WrigleyRat climbs onto bag of baseballs ***
WrigleyRat: king of the hill
or… king of the balls
either way
CubsBleacherBum: HE’S POSING
HE’S LITERALLY POSING
*** HEY GUYS THIS IS JI
*** JIM THOME has entered the chat ***
WORDUPTHOME: HEY GUYS THIS IS JI
JIM THOME
WORDUPTHOME: I HAVE PLAYED BASEBALL A LONG TIME
I HAVE NEVER BEEN INTIMIDATED BY A RODENT
BUT THIS ONE…
THIS ONE HAS PRESENCE
*** WrigleyRat hops down, sprints toward Phillies dugout ***
BryceBryceBaby: OH NO
HE’S COMING HERE
WHY IS HE COMING HERE
WrigleyRat: hostile territory
i like a challenge
*** WrigleyRat runs across multiple players' cleats ***
BryceBryceBaby: HE JUST STEPPED ON MY SHOE
HE MADE EYE CONTACT
HE DIDN’T EVEN BREAK STRIDE
WrigleyRat: soft spikes
no traction
*** pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth has entered the chat ***
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: absolutely not
i’m fighting that rat
i don’t care how big he is
this is a baseball field not a sewer showdown
WrigleyRat: you don’t want this
i’ve seen things
i ate a whole hot dog behind section 132
BryceBryceBaby: WHY IS IT TALKING
*** MLB_NewsBot has entered the chat ***
MLB_NewsBot: BREAKING: Large rat interrupts Phillies-Cubs game at Wrigley Field
Described as having a “cocky attitude” and “refusing to be caught”
Rat reportedly stood on ball bag and ran across Phillies dugout
WORDUPTHOME: BASEBALL IS A GAME OF MOMENTUM
AND RIGHT NOW
THAT MOMENTUM BELONGS TO THE RAT
CubsBleacherBum: build him a statue
BryceBryceBaby: get him out of here
he’s staring at me like he wants my locker
*** WrigleyRat backs toward tarp ***
WrigleyRat: show’s over
you’re welcome for the ratings
*** WrigleyRat disappears under tarp ***
BryceBryceBaby: HE VANISHED
HE JUST… VANISHED
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: coward
come back and fight me
CubsBleacherBum: bro you lost to a rat without even swinging
WORDUPTHOME: SOME LEGENDS HIT HOME RUNS
SOME LEGENDS STEAL BASES
AND SOME…
RUN ACROSS CLEATS AND CHANGE DESTINY
*** MLB_NewsBot has entered the chat ***
MLB_NewsBot: FINAL: Cubs 7, Phillies 4
Rat remains at large
Phillies clubhouse described as “emotionally compromised”
*** WrigleyRat has left to demand a contract extension ***
*** BryceBryceBaby has left to check his cleats for bite marks ***
*** pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth has left to challenge local wildlife to open combat ***
*** WORDUPTHOME has left to rank the rat among all-time Wrigley performers ***