Tarik Skubal’s first trip back to Comerica Park in Dodger blue promised to be an emotional one. The former Tigers ace wasn’t sure whether his old teammates would greet him with hugs, boos or a few well-placed reminders that they now had to hit against him. Instead, Detroit’s clubhouse had a much more pressing concern: the expensive espresso machine Skubal had bought for the team, then apparently packed up and took with him to Los Angeles after the trade. For a reunion built around friendship, rivalry and one very disputed piece of coffee equipment, the bitterness had less to do with Skubal’s new uniform than with what was no longer brewing in the Tigers clubhouse.
*** Now chatting in #WelcomeBackTarik ***
*** SkubalRising has entered the chat ***
SkubalRising: well
i'm back
*** GreeneMachine has entered the chat ***
GreeneMachine: hey tarik
SkubalRising: hey
wasn't sure what kind of reception i'd get
SkubalRising: former teammate
dodger now
pitching against you guys
GreeneMachine: yeah
about that
SkubalRising: here we go
GreeneMachine: where's the espresso machine
SkubalRising: ...
what
*** DingleAllTheWay has entered the chat ***
DingleAllTheWay: THE espresso machine
SkubalRising: that's what you guys want to talk about
DingleAllTheWay: yes
SkubalRising: not the trade
DingleAllTheWay: nope
SkubalRising: not me coming back to comerica
DingleAllTheWay: tarik
DingleAllTheWay: you bought a fancy espresso machine for the clubhouse
and then took it to los angeles
SkubalRising: it was mine
GreeneMachine: emotionally, it was ours
*** Colt45Keith has entered the chat ***
Colt45Keith: i learned how to make a cortado
do you know how hard that was for me
SkubalRising: you press two buttons
Colt45Keith: I LEARNED WHICH TWO
*** KerryOnMyWaywardSon has entered the chat ***
KerryOnMyWaywardSon: we had a system
batting practice
espresso
complain about left-handed relievers
now we're just wandering around tired
SkubalRising: there is still coffee in the clubhouse
GreeneMachine: that's not coffee
that's brown regret
*** SkipHinch has entered the chat ***
SkipHinch: guys
tarik is back for the first time since the trade
maybe let's acknowledge the significance of the moment
SkubalRising: thank you
SkipHinch: also
where is the machine
SkubalRising: COME ON
SkipHinch: i'm asking as manager
SkubalRising: you never even used it
SkipHinch: i didn't have to
it improved morale
DingleAllTheWay: it made foam hearts
SkipHinch: exactly
*** TorkAndRoll has entered the chat ***
TorkAndRoll: tarik
good to see you
SkubalRising: thanks, spence
TorkAndRoll: i hope you pitch well
SkubalRising: appreciate that
TorkAndRoll: but not too well
SkubalRising: understood
TorkAndRoll: also i've been drinking gas station cold brew for three weeks
SkubalRising: i am not responsible for that
TorkAndRoll: you created a standard
SkubalRising: i created espresso
TorkAndRoll: and then destroyed espresso
*** VerlanderlayIndustries has entered the chat ***
VerlanderlayIndustries: tarik
welcome home
SkubalRising: thanks, justin
VerlanderlayIndustries: this has real movie potential
GreeneMachine: no
VerlanderlayIndustries: former hero returns wearing enemy colors
faces the men he once fought beside
tension
betrayal
redemption
DingleAllTheWay: coffee
VerlanderlayIndustries: yes
coffee can be symbolic
Colt45Keith: it's not symbolic
we literally want it back
VerlanderlayIndustries: picture this
tarik steps onto the mound
boos rain down
SkubalRising: are they going to boo
GreeneMachine: depends
SkubalRising: on how i pitch
GreeneMachine: on whether the espresso machine is visible in the dodgers clubhouse
SkubalRising: unbelievable
*** ScottyDoesntKnow has entered the chat ***
ScottyDoesntKnow: for clarity
the organization did not include any coffee-related assets in the trade framework
DingleAllTheWay: that sounds like an oversight
ScottyDoesntKnow: privately owned appliances fall outside our standard transaction model
GreeneMachine: scott
could you have asked for it
ScottyDoesntKnow: negotiations focused primarily on baseball value
Colt45Keith: so you got river ryan
zyhir hope
and zero espresso machines
ScottyDoesntKnow: that is technically accurate
TorkAndRoll: magic beans would've at least made coffee
ScottyDoesntKnow: espresso does not generally use magic beans
GreeneMachine: unlike your trades
SkubalRising: this isn't my fault
DingleAllTheWay: did you at least leave the grinder
SkubalRising: no
DingleAllTheWay: monster
*** HopeSpringsEternal has entered the chat ***
HopeSpringsEternal: wait
you guys had an espresso machine
GreeneMachine: had
HopeSpringsEternal: like a nice one
Colt45Keith: beautiful
DingleAllTheWay: chrome finish
TorkAndRoll: dual boiler
KerryOnMyWaywardSon: steam wand
HopeSpringsEternal: wow
what happened
*** everyone looks at SkubalRising ***
SkubalRising: I PAID FOR IT
HopeSpringsEternal: oh
still kind of cold
SkubalRising: thank you, new guy
*** MLB_NewsBot has entered the chat ***
MLB_NewsBot: Tarik Skubal returns to Detroit tonight for the first time since being traded to Los Angeles.
Sources expected an emotional reunion between the former Tigers ace and his old teammates.
Clubhouse sources instead report widespread concern regarding the location of an espresso machine.
SkubalRising: finally
somebody tell them it's just a coffee maker
GreeneMachine: JUST a coffee maker
DingleAllTheWay: wow
Colt45Keith: wow
TorkAndRoll: this is who los angeles turned you into
SkubalRising: they have three in their clubhouse
KerryOnMyWaywardSon: why did you need ours then
SkubalRising: mine
KerryOnMyWaywardSon: OURS
SkubalRising: i liked mine better
GreeneMachine: THEY HAVE OHTANI
THEY HAVE YAMAMOTO
THEY HAVE HALF THE LEAGUE'S PAYROLL
AND NOW THEY HAVE FOUR ESPRESSO MACHINES
DingleAllTheWay: evil empire confirmed
VerlanderlayIndustries: that's the movie
"The Empire Strikes Back"
except the empire steals the coffee maker
SkipHinch: nobody stole anything
Colt45Keith: spiritually they did
*** PawsForConcern has entered the chat ***
/places an empty coffee cup on the table
/stares silently at SkubalRising
SkubalRising: paws
/pushes the empty cup toward SkubalRising
SkubalRising: don't do this
/points to the cup
SkubalRising: i don't have the machine with me
/folds his arms
SkubalRising: it's in los angeles
/slowly produces a sign reading “TRAITOR”
SkubalRising: wow
GreeneMachine: paws has spoken
SkipHinch: technically he hasn't
/flips the sign around to read “GIVE IT BACK”
SkipHinch: fair enough
*** pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth has entered the chat ***
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: wait
he took the clubhouse espresso machine
SkubalRising: IT WAS MINE
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: doesn't matter
once an appliance enters a clubhouse
it belongs to the clubhouse
SkubalRising: that's not a law
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: clubhouse law
SkubalRising: who wrote clubhouse law
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: me
article one
don't touch another man's protein shake
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: article two
coffee equipment stays with the team
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: article three
if somebody breaks articles one or two
powerbomb
SkipHinch: no powerbombing tarik
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: fine
repossession
*** WORDUPTHOME has entered the chat ***
WORDUPTHOME: HEY GUYS THIS IS JI
JIM THOME
WORDUPTHOME: TARIK
SOMETIMES WHEN YOU LEAVE A TEAM
YOU TAKE MEMORIES WITH YOU
YOU TAKE FRIENDSHIPS WITH YOU
YOU TAKE LESSONS WITH YOU
BUT APPARENTLY YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO TAKE THE ESPRESSO MACHINE
SkubalRising: thank you, jim
WORDUPTHOME: OLD JIMBO WOULD HAVE LEFT IT
SkubalRising: jim
WORDUPTHOME: I DON'T EVEN DRINK ESPRESSO
I ONLY DRINK WHOLE MILK
BUT IT'S THE PRINCIPLE
SkubalRising: unbelievable
*** Later — pregame ***
SkubalRising: okay
seriously
when i go out there
are you guys going to treat me like an old friend
GreeneMachine: yes
SkubalRising: really
DingleAllTheWay: absolutely
SkubalRising: good
Colt45Keith: right up until first pitch
SkubalRising: then enemies
GreeneMachine: no
then customers
SkubalRising: customers
TorkAndRoll: every hit is one espresso
DingleAllTheWay: double is a cappuccino
KerryOnMyWaywardSon: home run gets the machine back
SkubalRising: that's not happening
GreeneMachine: then pitch carefully
SkipHinch: i am not endorsing this system
ScottyDoesntKnow: from an asset-recovery standpoint
i would like additional information
SkipHinch: scott
ScottyDoesntKnow: withdrawing
*** MLB_NewsBot has entered the chat ***
MLB_NewsBot: Tarik Skubal received a warm ovation upon returning to Comerica Park.
Several former teammates embraced him during pregame warmups.
At least four then separately asked whether he intended to return the espresso machine.
SkubalRising: you guys are never letting this go
GreeneMachine: no
DingleAllTheWay: definitely not
HopeSpringsEternal: i wasn't even here and i'm upset
VerlanderlayIndustries: tarik
one last question
SkubalRising: what
VerlanderlayIndustries: can i borrow the machine for a movie
SkubalRising: NO
VerlanderlayIndustries: betrayal
perfect third act
*** SkubalRising has left to pitch against his former team and protect his former coffee maker ***
*** DingleAllTheWay has left to search Skubal's luggage for a steam wand ***
*** Colt45Keith has left to drink clubhouse drip coffee with visible resentment ***
*** PawsForConcern has left to hang a “FREE THE ESPRESSO MACHINE” sign over the dugout ***
*** pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth has left to plan a midnight appliance extraction in Los Angeles ***
*** WORDUPTHOME has left to remind everyone that FRIENDSHIPS COME AND GO, BUT A GOOD CUP OF COFFEE SHOULD STAY IN THE CLUBHOUSE ***