The White Sox entered October with an unexpected addition to the front office: Pope Leo XIV. His Holiness sent his beloved South Siders a letter before their September 29 playoff opener, and Chicago promptly swept Houston for its first postseason-series victory since 2005 before opening the ALDS with a 3–0 shutout of Cleveland. Three straight playoff wins immediately after papal correspondence was apparently all the evidence anyone needed. Chris Getz may still have the title, Will Venable may still fill out the lineup card, and Jerry Reinsdorf may technically still own the team, but as far as the South Side is concerned, baseball operations now report directly to the Vatican.

*** Now chatting in #SouthSideConclave ***

*** MLB_NewsBot has entered the chat ***

MLB_NewsBot: September 29: Pope Leo XIV sends a letter to the Chicago White Sox before their playoff opener.

September 30: White Sox complete a sweep of Houston.

October 3: White Sox shut out Cleveland 3-0 in Game 1 of the ALDS.

Baseball operations implications are currently under review.

*** WillPowerVenable has entered the chat ***

WillPowerVenable: okay

everybody stay calm

*** ColsonOfAnarchy has entered the chat ***

ColsonOfAnarchy: the pope wrote us a letter

then we won a playoff series

*** MeidrothOrWrong has entered the chat ***

MeidrothOrWrong: first time in 21 years

TWENTY-ONE YEARS

*** MuraKaBoom has entered the chat ***

MuraKaBoom: then we beat cleveland 3-0

WillPowerVenable: yes

MuraKaBoom: therefore

pope is general manager

WillPowerVenable: no

*** PaleHosePosse has entered the chat ***

PaleHosePosse: pope is general manager

WillPowerVenable: no

PaleHosePosse: pope is president of baseball operations

WillPowerVenable: also no

PaleHosePosse: pope is chairman

*** ReinsdorfOfTerror has entered the chat ***

ReinsdorfOfTerror: let's not get carried away

PaleHosePosse: too late

you've been reassigned

ReinsdorfOfTerror: to what

PaleHosePosse: ceremonial duties

ReinsdorfOfTerror: THAT'S THE POPE'S JOB

PaleHosePosse: not anymore

*** LeoTheFourteenthInning has entered the chat ***

LeoTheFourteenthInning: Peace be with you.

*** The entire chatroom stops typing ***

WillPowerVenable: your holiness

LeoTheFourteenthInning: Congratulations on the excellent start to the postseason.

ColsonOfAnarchy: THANK YOU POPE GM

LeoTheFourteenthInning: I am not the general manager.

MeidrothOrWrong: that's exactly what a secret general manager would say

LeoTheFourteenthInning: I assure you, my responsibilities are elsewhere.

PaleHosePosse: okay

name one

LeoTheFourteenthInning: ...

The Catholic Church.

PaleHosePosse: fair

*** ChrisGetzReal has entered the chat ***

ChrisGetzReal: hello

actual general manager here

PaleHosePosse: who

ChrisGetzReal: chris getz

PaleHosePosse: never heard of him

ChrisGetzReal: i built this roster

PaleHosePosse: pope sent the letter

ChrisGetzReal: i made the trades

PaleHosePosse: pope sent the letter

ChrisGetzReal: i drafted players

PaleHosePosse: pope

ChrisGetzReal: signed free agents

PaleHosePosse: letter

ChrisGetzReal: developed—

LeoTheFourteenthInning: Chris.

ChrisGetzReal: yes your holiness

LeoTheFourteenthInning: Let them have this.

ChrisGetzReal: okay

*** CuyahogaCrew has entered the chat ***

CuyahogaCrew: hold on

this is illegal

WillPowerVenable: what is

CuyahogaCrew: papal assistance

ColsonOfAnarchy: point to the rule

CuyahogaCrew: it's obviously somewhere

MeidrothOrWrong: balk rule?

CuyahogaCrew: no idea

MuraKaBoom: foreign substance?

CuyahogaCrew: technically vatican city is a foreign country

WillPowerVenable: please do not accuse the pope of applying sticky stuff

CuyahogaCrew: HE BLESSED THE TEAM

PaleHosePosse: skill issue

CuyahogaCrew: you cannot bring divine intervention into a five-game series

LeoTheFourteenthInning: To be clear, I have not intervened in the outcome of any baseball game.

PaleHosePosse: that's exactly what someone with a 3-0 series ERA would say

LeoTheFourteenthInning: I do not have an ERA.

MLB_NewsBot: Pope Leo XIV career ERA: 0.00.

LeoTheFourteenthInning: Please stop.

*** AltuveLater has entered the chat ***

AltuveLater: oh NOW i find out

we got swept by a team with vatican backing

we used to run october

PaleHosePosse: then the pope sent a letter

AltuveLater: STOP SAYING THAT

*** rob_manfred.exe has entered the chat ***

rob_manfred.exe: league office has been made aware of potential competitive-balance concerns involving the holy see 🙂

WillPowerVenable: rob

rob_manfred.exe: mlb rules currently contain no explicit prohibition against papal correspondence 🙂

CuyahogaCrew: FIX THAT

rob_manfred.exe: ownership committee reviewing possible “spiritual payroll” threshold 🙂

PaleHosePosse: what's our luxury tax number

rob_manfred.exe: blessings do not currently count against CBT payroll 🙂

PaleHosePosse: LOADING UP

LeoTheFourteenthInning: Please do not commodify blessings.

rob_manfred.exe: noted for future CBA negotiations 🙂

*** pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth has entered the chat ***

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: i knew it

WillPowerVenable: knew what

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: vatican analytics

MeidrothOrWrong: that's not a thing

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: wake up

oldest scouting department in the world

ColsonOfAnarchy: the catholic church?

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: two thousand years of institutional knowledge

you think they haven't figured out launch angle

LeoTheFourteenthInning: We have not.

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: that's what makes them dangerous

*** WORDUPTHOME has entered the chat ***

WORDUPTHOME: HEY GUYS THIS IS JI

JIM THOME

WORDUPTHOME: YOUR HOLINESS

BIG FAN

LeoTheFourteenthInning: Thank you, Jim.

WORDUPTHOME: I PLAYED FOR THE WHITE SOX

AND I THINK IT IS WONDERFUL THAT YOU ARE SUPPORTING THEM

LeoTheFourteenthInning: They have always meant a great deal to me.

WORDUPTHOME: OLD JIMBO BELIEVES FAITH CAN MOVE MOUNTAINS

AND APPARENTLY ALSO HOUSTON OUT OF THE PLAYOFF BRACKET

AltuveLater: jim

WORDUPTHOME: SORRY

THAT WAS NOT VERY ECUMENICAL

LeoTheFourteenthInning: Close enough.

*** ChrisGetzReal has entered the chat ***

ChrisGetzReal: okay

since everyone apparently believes the pope runs baseball operations

let's test this

ChrisGetzReal: your holiness

trade deadline

LeoTheFourteenthInning: No.

ChrisGetzReal: you haven't heard the offer

LeoTheFourteenthInning: No.

ChrisGetzReal: left-handed reliever

LeoTheFourteenthInning: Chris.

ChrisGetzReal: right-handed power bat

LeoTheFourteenthInning: I am the Bishop of Rome.

ChrisGetzReal: so no 40-man roster opinions

LeoTheFourteenthInning: I have several.

PaleHosePosse: I KNEW IT

HIS HOLINESS HAS NOTES

ChrisGetzReal: which players

LeoTheFourteenthInning: We should move on.

ChrisGetzReal: GIVE ME THE NAMES

PaleHosePosse: NEW DEPARTMENT STRUCTURE

President of Baseball Operations: Chris Getz

Manager: Will Venable

Senior Advisor, Baseball and Eternal Affairs: Pope Leo XIV

LeoTheFourteenthInning: Delete that immediately.

PaleHosePosse: unable

already printed business cards

ReinsdorfOfTerror: why am i not on there

PaleHosePosse: transition period

ReinsdorfOfTerror: I OWN THE TEAM

PaleHosePosse: temporal ownership

ReinsdorfOfTerror: what does that mean

LeoTheFourteenthInning: I would also like to know.

*** CuyahogaCrew has entered the chat ***

CuyahogaCrew: this explains game one

MuraKaBoom: i hit the home run

CuyahogaCrew: under whose authority

MuraKaBoom: mine?

CuyahogaCrew: VATICAN AUTHORITY

MuraKaBoom: i am japanese

CuyahogaCrew: global scouting network

MuraKaBoom: this conspiracy needs work

*** MLB_NewsBot has entered the chat ***

MLB_NewsBot: Since receiving Pope Leo XIV's letter, Chicago is 3-0 in postseason play.

The White Sox have won their first playoff series since 2005.

They lead Cleveland 1-0 in the ALDS.

There is no evidence the Vatican has assumed control of baseball operations.

PaleHosePosse: define evidence

MLB_NewsBot: Contracts.

PaleHosePosse: boring

MeidrothOrWrong: smoke?

MLB_NewsBot: No.

ColsonOfAnarchy: white smoke?

*** everyone looks toward Rate Field ***

WillPowerVenable: absolutely not

*** A small cloud of white smoke rises beyond the left-field concourse ***

WillPowerVenable: WHAT IS THAT

ChrisGetzReal: THAT'S THE GRILL STAND

*** rob_manfred.exe has entered the chat ***

rob_manfred.exe: league office requests clarification regarding white smoke event 🙂

ChrisGetzReal: HOT DOGS

rob_manfred.exe: acceptable 🙂

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: cover story

ChrisGetzReal: KYLE

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: you can't silence the truth

LeoTheFourteenthInning: Many people have tried.

*** WORDUPTHOME has entered the chat ***

WORDUPTHOME: YOUR HOLINESS

ONE QUESTION

LeoTheFourteenthInning: Yes, Jim?

WORDUPTHOME: IF THE WHITE SOX WIN THE WORLD SERIES

DO THEY GET A PARADE IN CHICAGO

OR ST. PETER'S SQUARE

LeoTheFourteenthInning: Chicago.

WORDUPTHOME: GOOD

PARKING IN ROME LOOKS DIFFICULT

*** PaleHosePosse has left to order “VATICAN CITY BASEBALL OPERATIONS” quarter-zips ***

*** CuyahogaCrew has left to petition MLB for separation of church and bullpen ***

*** AltuveLater has left to retroactively protest the Wild Card Series to the College of Cardinals ***

*** ChrisGetzReal has left to quietly email the Vatican asking about available relievers ***

*** rob_manfred.exe has left to determine whether papal blessings require revenue sharing 🙂 ***

*** pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth has left to investigate the Sistine Chapel for hidden spray charts ***

*** WORDUPTHOME has left to remind everyone that THE WHITE SOX MAY HAVE FOUND THE ULTIMATE CLOSER ***

*** LeoTheFourteenthInning has left to insist, once again, that he does not run the Chicago White Sox ***