Fresh off a frustrating sweep at the hands of Colorado, a group of Dugout regulars went looking for answers—and thought they’d find them at the “Met Gala.” Instead, they found velvet ropes, avant-garde fashion, and the crushing realization that this particular “Met” had nothing to do with baseball. What followed was a collision of Dugout logic and high-fashion absurdity, as the crew tried (and failed) to turn a star-studded fundraiser into an impromptu therapy session for a spiraling team.
*** Now chatting in #MetGalaConfusion ***
MyDarlingRon: alright boys
big night
Mets gala
we show up, we support the team, we heal
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: finally
an event where they explain what just happened against the Rockies
i want answers
and maybe free food
WORDUPTHOME: HEY GUYS THIS IS JI
JIM THOME
WORDUPTHOME: I DRESSED UP
I AM WEARING A SUIT
WITH PINSTRIPES
I THINK THAT COUNTS
*** MetTheParents has entered the chat ***
MetTheParents: uh… why is there a velvet rope
why are there cameras
why is that man wearing a chandelier
MyDarlingRon: probably themed
maybe “collapse chic”
*** SecurityGuard has entered the chat ***
SecurityGuard: invitations please
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: yeah we’re here for the Mets
proud owners of the worst record in baseball
figured there’d be a meeting or something
SecurityGuard: …this is the Met Gala
MyDarlingRon: yes
exactly
Mets gala
Mets team
we’re on the same page
SecurityGuard: no
this is fashion
not baseball
*** awkward silence ***
WORDUPTHOME: I HAVE NEVER SEEN
THIS MANY PEOPLE
DRESSED LIKE THEY LOST A BET
*** DrapedInConfusion has entered the chat ***
DrapedInConfusion: my outfit represents the fragility of modern identity
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: my outfit represents a guy who watched his bullpen blow three straight games
MyDarlingRon: wait
so there’s no discussion panel
no emergency meeting
no “how did we lose 12 in a row” seminar???
SecurityGuard: no
MyDarlingRon: then what’s the point of this
WORDUPTHOME: BASEBALL IS A GAME OF STYLE
BUT THIS…
THIS IS JUST STYLE
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: can we at least go in
i want to see if anyone dressed like a slider that doesn’t break
SecurityGuard: absolutely not
*** MLB_NewsBot has entered the chat ***
MLB_NewsBot: Mets swept by Rockies
Unrelated Met Gala event underway in New York
Multiple baseball fans turned away after attempting to “address the team”
MyDarlingRon: unbelievable
even the gala isn’t for us
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: i stood in line for 20 minutes
behind a guy dressed like a goldfish
for NOTHING
WORDUPTHOME: SOMETIMES YOU SHOW UP
AND IT’S THE WRONG EVENT
JUST LIKE SWINGING AT A CHANGEUP
MyDarlingRon: this feels worse
*** SecurityGuard has removed the group from the premises ***
*** pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth has left to boo abstract fashion ***
*** WORDUPTHOME has left to respectfully overdress somewhere else ***
*** MyDarlingRon has left to google “support groups” ***